My Imaginary Doctor

I stood at the bus stop this morning.

“Good mor,” I squeaked to a neighbor.

“Good morning. Still fighting that cold, eh?”

The wind howled.

“Feels like 40 with a negative 10 wind chill.” Well, that is what my brain wanted me to say, but it sounded more like:

“Feels. 40. tive. 10 chill,” in a bad cell phone service sort of way.

“Hasn’t it been two weeks now?” my neighbor said, politely framing it in a yes or no question.

I nodded this time. The Dayquil has become part of my morning routine. Wash face. Moisturize. Brush teeth. Dayquil. Coffee. Kid on bus.

Somewhere, locked inside the congestion, cold remedies, lack of sleep, and caffeine, my mind wandered. Maybe I should see a doctor.

Doctor: “What brings you here today?”

Me: “Oh, a bit of congestion, headache, cough, runny nose, and a lost voice.” (I squeak clearly in my vivid imagination).

Doctor: “I see. Blood pressure, weight and cholesterol are good. You have allergies?”

Me: “Yes. Indoor, outdoor, and anything furry.”

Doctor: “Alcohol consumption?”

Me: “Half a glass when I marinade meat, and out with friends not nearly often enough.”

Doctor: “Caffeine?”

Me: “I make a pot religiously, and sometimes I even drink a whole cup.”

Doctor: “Anything interrupting your sleep?”

Me: “I have three kids, one who gets up at 4am regularly.”

Doctor: “Uh huh. Blogging?”

Me: “In moderation, Doctor, only 3 or 4 times a week, plus a little something for Cleveland dot com. I do most of my reading and commenting during the day.”

Doctor: “I see. I see. Are you getting any exercise?”

Me: “Oh, yes, lots of exercise!! Besides blogging, I’m on Facebook.”

Doctor: sigh. “Dear, intellectual stimulation and social interaction are important, but you know there is no excuse for not getting proper physical exercise. Anyway, how did you lose 50 lbs since you delivered George on Facebook?”

Me: “My children play downstairs. My computer is in the second floor loft.”

Doctor: “Oh?”

Me: “I need new carpet for my stairs.”

Doctor: “Oh! Get rest and plenty of fluids, and please get yourself a laptop!”