A Federal Forgery

My sister called me this morning.

“Thirty hours and counting, Sister, you ready??”

“Ha! That was LAST week,” I replied with a sassy voice.

“You finished the kids costumes early????”

“Uh, no, I was sewing on buttons hours before we left for my friend’s party, but that nightmare happened LAST week. Oh, and George wore the clown that you made for your daughter years ago.”

Laughter.

“Oh, I think they’ve all worn that one now.”

Yes, we’ve made it through costume season. It’s a frightening thing, more frightening than anything you will encounter on Halloween. And, just in case my regular amount of mommy-stress was not enough, I actually let Gladys help me. I put her to work, my friends.

Go ahead, make a fairy costume with a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old helping you and see if you don’t need some whisky by the end of the day. Sigh. No, the truth is they were great and we had fun. The only real craziness came when Andrew and Gladys decided to help me by bringing handfuls of thread spools down from the upstairs sewing room into the dining room where I had set up shop (a little safer than having the little ones in the very unbabyproofed sewing room). The entire house was wrapped in thread. I even found a completely empty spool. I had to cut the threads in large sections to get them all up (thread will kill the most impressive vacuum, unless the crazy engineer mommy takes it apart first, which I do way to often).

Each year the specifications for these annual costumes become more complicated. These were my directions this year.

Fairy Costume: sparkly fabric, multi-color stripes, butterflies, lots of colorful “leafies”, more ribbon, more sparkles, more silver, jeweled organza, and, of course, wings.

Park Ranger: Collared forest green shirt, two flap pockets, lots of badges, Park Ranger badge, Park Ranger hat

Which one was trickier? The Park Ranger was more difficult. No, I’m not kidding.

I thought I was being SO SMART allowing them to change their minds from furry monsters to a Park Ranger and fairy. I thought I would buy a shirt and just sew on a few patches. No problem. So easy!! I am SO smart this year!!!

It is not possible to buy a forest green shirt with two flap pockets for anyone smaller than a full grown adult. And, just in case you are wondering, it is ILLEGAL to purchase a Park Ranger badge. Impersonating a Park Ranger is a federal offense.

So, I made the forest green shirt from scratch.

I also fabricated the official Park Ranger badge. I know. This is forgery. I probably committed some federal offense by creating my son’s costume. But, we had our unveiling ceremony this year, just as years past, and those HUGE smiles made it all worth it.

So, everyone, don’t accidentally think that Andrew is REALLY a Park Ranger. Okay? He’ll tell you he is. He’ll even show you his badge. It’s illegal. I KNOW.

And, if I get arrested, I will ask you all, once again, like I did here, would you please bail me out? (Again).