Are We There Yet?

It was shocking really.

One of my best friends randomly met a college buddy. It was especially odd because I have moved out-of-state four times since college, and now live far enough away that my girlfriend has never met anyone else from my home state. In fact, that is why she mentioned meeting Sam at all.

Imagine the surprise when the only two people she knows from the whole state, know each other. What are the odds?

My girlfriend has gotten to know Sam better over the last few months. Therefore, she asked what I was like 20 years ago back in school. I have completely lost contact since college, so Sam asked about me now.

Intriguing isn’t it. Having two important people in my life – who knew me during different periods of my life – describe ME to each other. Narcissistic most definitely. But my ears were burning to hear more.

I would describe myself as being brought up in a small, rural part of mid-America. I learned wholesome values about family, hard work, and relating to people. Not much about fine arts, culture, fashion or style. We didn’t have much money. We didn’t go anywhere or have many things. That was OK. We were a content family. I had a happy childhood. I nearly stayed “there.” Then, half way through college something clicked for me. I was ready to move on. That is when I met Sam.

I agree with Sam. I was unusually self-driven. Mostly determined to make something of myself and have some money in the bank so I could do things my parents never did, like travel abroad.

I was a crazy, hard worker. Supported myself 100% from the day I left home for college. I held down 3 jobs at the same time to do it. NEVER went on a Spring Break trip, rushed a sorority, or even lived in the dorms, because my budget didn’t allow for it.

No leg up. No real anchor or direction, let alone a head start on life. I was an average student who started completely from scratch. Yet, I desperately wanted to know more about the world and understood that the only resource I could tap to do that was ME.

Paraphrasing, Sam described me as being uncomfortably driven and pretty much obnoxiously aggressive when it came to preparing for my future. That is fair. Looking back, I see now my actions and thought processes were over-the-top.

But it worked for me. I went places. I did things. I met interesting people.

Fast forward 15 years.

My best friend described me today. I am a stay-at-home mom who hasn’t worked professionally for over 8 years. Still chronically over scheduled managing my family and completely absorbed in the lives of my two wonderful children. Any free time is filled with various volunteer activities. That is the snapshot my life. Fair enough.

Sam was shocked….and so was I. Actually took the air right out of me. To be honest, it squashed my spirit. How did I get from there to here?

Is this it for me? All the hard work and all the years investing in my future, and I have nothing to show for it. I have left no mark on the vapor of those 15 years of my adult life.

I know. I know. Mothering is vital. Most important and meaningful job I will ever have. I will never regret the memories of being home with my children. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I hear you, and get it. Feel the same way too. Deeply and passionately feel it. In fact, I am very happy as a SAHM. Love it! TRULY! Honestly, I aspire to no more.

Ah Haaaa!!!! There it is -- the most shocking part.
Did you miss it? Let me say it again.

I aspire to no more.

Shocking! Did I just go back “there?”
Is this the last, best description of me?

Are we there yet?

A Meeting of Prairie Dogs

I received a phone call yesterday from a college friend, someone I hadn’t heard from in nearly 20 years.

“Hello?” I squeaked, still recovering from laryngitis.

“Hello, is Emama there?” (Of course, he used my real name.)

“This is she,” I barely said.

“This is your friend.”

That is all it took. Hours later, we were enjoying dinner at a local restaurant, filling in the foggy details of the past 20 years. He knew a little about this person. I filled in some details of that person. We played show and tell with pictures of our kids (six in total).

He was, literally, among the first people I met on campus. He was an upperclassman, passing out t-shirts to the incoming freshmen. He became the “T-shirt authority” which was my nickname for him. He was one of the few people I knew on campus that first week (and even though I did remember his real name, the nickname stuck for awhile). So, here we were, twenty years later, having dinner. It was really, really nice to see him.

It just took one call.

I have lived in a lot of different places. I have had quite a few different jobs. Out there, somewhere, are quite a few people who could just one day call me up for dinner. I am not that good at keeping in touch and probably never will be. It is not that I never think about these friends. I do. I hope they are all doing well. I hope that every once in awhile they hope that I am doing well. In the meantime, I live in my little hole underground, taking care of my very important little people, and paying close attention to my life within a few mile radius.

And then, every once in awhile, we poke our heads out of our little holes and say ‘hello.’

Thank goodness there are a few people out there who just make that call.

It is hard for me to imagine someone stumbling upon my blog who knew me years before. But, if you do, if you are one of those people who haven’t heard from me in awhile, don’t even think about it twice. Just call me.

Oh, and, "Mr. T-Shirt Authority," thank you again for a very nice dinner. If you are in the area again, give me a call. And, if we do come out your way, I'll be sure to stop by, even though you may not hear from me regularly between now and then. I am just not very good at that part.

Thanks for understanding.

I hope everyone else understands too.